Agreement and Disagreement

Agreement, disagreement and ... the English soul

By Olga Mindrul, Moscow State University

The way people agree or disagree in an argument or discussion varies in different languages. A lot here depends on the national cultural and traditional background of the speaker. The English are not as straightforward in expressing their opinion as Russians are, for example. The word which describes the English way of speaking and behaving in the best way is probably the word “reserved”. If you look it up in the dictionary, you’ll find a sentence that says it all: “An Englishman is very reserved, quiet, always discreet” (COLLINS COBUILD ENGLISH LANGUAGE DICTIONARY).

George Mikes in “How to be an Alien” wrote in a humorous way about these typical features of the English, which are reflected in the use of the language: “The English have no soul, they have understatement instead”. Understatement in proposing, according to George Mikes, “takes the form of “I say… would you". If it is an indecent proposal it is "I say… what about…".

In agreement and disagreement one should remember about understatement as an important underlying principle of wording what you think.

Agreement and disagreement are types of affirmation and denial in which the expression of JUDGEMENT or OPINION rather than the assertion of FACT is involved. It is all the more necessary not to offend standards of politeness when the other person’s judgement is in question.


AGREEMENT

In agreeing with an unfavourable opinion, you may wish to qualify your agreement with an expression of regret, etc.

His speech was boring / Yes, I am afraid it was.
I have to agree that it was.
\ I must say I found it so.


In other cases, you can be as enthusiastic as you like in emphasizing your agreement.

It was an interesting exhibition, wasn’t it? – Yes, it was superb/absolutely splendid!
A referendum will satisfy everybody. – Yes, definitely/quite/absolutely/I absolutely agree/I couldn’t agree more/I quite agree/ I agree entirely.

A referendum will not satisfy everybody. – Definitely not/It certainly won’t/You are absolutely right, it won’t/ I agree that it won’t.

It’s good practice and it’s good fun. – Exactly.
I feel I ought to give her a hand – Oh, quite, quite.
I must do something, though – Yes, I quite agree.
There is far too much attention being paid to these hoodlums – Yes I couldn’t agree more.
The public showed that by the way it voted in the General election – That’s quite true.
We reckon that this is what THEY would have wanted us to do. – I think you are absolutely right.

You can show that you agree strongly with someone’s description of something by repeating the adjective they have used and using "very" in front of it. You usually use “indeed” after the adjective.

It was very tragic, wasn’t it – Very tragic indeed.
The pacing in all these performances is subtle, isn’t – Oh, very subtle, indeed.

Other ways of expressing agreement are:

That’s just what I was thinking.
You know, that’s exactly what I think.
That’s a good point.

Partial agreement.

If you agree with someone, but not entirely or with reluctance, you can reply “I suppose so”.

I must have a job – I suppose so.
That’s the way to save lives, and save us a lot of trouble? – I suppose so.

If you are replying to a negative statement, you say, “I suppose not”.

Some of these places haven’t changed it – I suppose not.

Qualified agreement

In discussion and argument, there is often a need to agree with one aspect of a speaker’s view, and to disagree with another. Here are some of the methods you might use to express this sort of qualified agreement:

Certainly it’s true that …, but on the other hand…
I can see that…. But surely…
I am in total agreement with you about… but we also have to consider….
Agreed, BUT if we accept… then it must also be true that…

Corroboration

We can also agree, and add a further point to corroborate or confirm the argument
Yes, and in fact….
Yes, and what is more…
I agree, and in fact one might go so far as to say…
Absolutely. Actually, I would go further, and say…

DISAGREEMENT

Notice that you need to be very polite when disagreeing with someone in English – even someone you know quite well. When you deny or contradict what someone else has stated, the effect is often impolite, unless the denial is qualified in some way. You can qualify it by an apology or by adjusting to the speaker’s point of view:

English is a difficult language to learn.
-I am afraid I disagree with you: some languages are even more difficult, I think.
Or
- TRUE, but the grammar is quite easy.
Or
-Yes, but it’s not so difficult as Russian.
Or
-Do you think so? Actually, I find it quite easy.


The commonest ways to express disagreement are as follows:

Yes, that’s quite true, but…
I’m not sure I quite agree.
Well, you have a point there, but…
Perhaps, but I don’t think that…
I see what you mean, but…

Rather than simply expressing complete disagreement, people usually try to disagree politely using expressions, which soften the contradictory opinion they are giving "I don’t think so" and "Not really" are the most common of these expressions.

It was a lot of money in those days – Well, not really.
It’s all over now, anyway. – No, I am afraid I can’t agree with you there.

People often say “Yes” or “I see what you mean”, to indicate partial agreement and then go on to mention a point of disagreement, introduced by “but”.

You’ve just said yourself that you got fed up with it after a time. - Yes, but only after three weeks.
It’s a very clever film. – Yes, perhaps, but I didn’t like it.
They ruined the whole thing. – I see what you mean, but they didn’t know.

Strong disagreement

If you know someone very well you can disagree more directly using expressions like these:

I can’t agree with you there.
You can’t be serious!
Come off it!
Don’t be silly!

You should be very careful when using them, in order to avoid offending people.

That’s very funny – No, it isn’t.
You were the one who wanted to buy it – I am sorry, dear, but you are wrong.

More formal ways

University education does divide families in a way – I cannot go along with that.
There would be less guilt which characterized societies of earlier generations. – well I think I would take issue with that

When it comes to the state of this country, he should keep his mouth shut – I wholly and totally disagree.
He wants it, and I suppose he has a right to it – Rubbish.
He said you plotted to get him removed - that’s ridiculous.

Learning to express agreement and/or disagreement with someone’s views and opinions can be part of assertion training, which has gained increasing recognition in recent years. Its aim is to help people express themselves more effectively and appropriately.

The following three types of behavior are identified:

1. Non-assertive behaviour – failing to express your feelings, needs, opinions, or preferences, or expressing them in an indirect or implicit way. For example, agreeing to activities you are not really interested in or failing to ask for a favour even though one is needed/ Statements like “I suppose we could go to the cinema”, or “I wish I knew someone who could help me repair my car” represent indirect or implicit statements in which the other person must infer what the needs and opinions of the speaker really are. One difficulty with this type of communication is that it is open to varying interpretations and is therefore easily misunderstood.

2. Aggressive behaviour – expressing your feelings or opinions but in a punishing, threatening, demanding or hostile manner. There is little or no consideration of the feelings or rights of the other person. In addition, the person who behaves aggressively assumes little responsibility for the consequences of his/her action.
E.g. You’d better lend me $5.
You are going with me whether you like it or not.

3. Assertive behaviour – expressing your feelings, needs, legitimate rights or opinions honestly and directly without being aggressive to others, without infringing on their rights and without expecting the other person to read your mind. Assertive behaviour is not designed primarily to enable an individual to obtain what he/she wants. Rather its purpose is the clear, direct and inoffensive communication of one’s needs opinions and so on. To the extent that this is accomplished, the probability of achieving one’s goals without denying the rights of others increases.

from: Hello Online